Summer is Made for Waves

VIA Health Partners
6 days ago
3 min read

By Lead Grief Counselor Rebecca Tucker, M.A., LCMHC, NCC

Summer is Made for Waves

Summer is here and maybe the beach is calling your name. Perhaps vacation doesn't sound like much of a priority right now. The water is said to be healing, but what if the ocean water and its surroundings cause more pain? The harsh reminder that the memories made now will look very different. The list of analogies comparing grief and some type of water are endless. Most have likely heard the notion of "grief waves," as our grief will rise and fall like the waves of the ocean. Depending on the ocean you are on, the waves may be fairly small like here on the North Carolina coast. Perhaps your waves are like those of the famous Pipeline of the north shore in Oahu, Hawaii - strong, wild, and unpredictable. These waves are our grief.

At times, our grief rolls like thunder coming off the wide ocean. The tears fall fast and the swell in our heart feels as if it might actually burst through our chest. It is heavy and strong, leaving us feeling exhausted and maybe even a bit disoriented. That grief wave was a big one, the one that well-meaning folks have cautioned us. Sometimes these waves are predictable, like death anniversaries, birthdays, holidays. Sometimes we wake up to cloudy skies and a pain so unimaginable that it sees no end, as if we are caught in the riptide of the wave, no closer to finding the surface or a breath without pain. What we often find is the oscillation of big waves that are followed by smaller, more manageable ones.

What is always interesting is that the waves do not ever stop. The ocean is constantly moving, shifting, changing. Our grief is the same.

We will likely never get to a place where our grief is perfectly still, flat, or static. That is just not the way the ocean, or our grief, works. What we hope to find is that our grief gets more manageable.

That might look like getting the right "equipment" for the waves - maybe your metaphorical surfboard is a good support group, the surf coach is healthy coping strategies, a creative outlet, etc. Those are the tools we are tapping into to help ride the wave even when we know we are facing some dangerous surf. Other times, we don't need much to get through the waves of grief because they have softened, either just for the day or over time as a whole. These are the waves that wash over our feet at the edge of the ocean. They can offer relief on a hot day to cool our tired feet. These grief waves offer us the beauty in balance, that while we notice the gentle wave, we also notice the rush of relief and comfort a cool wave on a hot day can bring. The grief wave brings a memory that can be painful to recall but so warming to remember a truly joyous or funny time with your person.

As you move about this new phase of life as a grieving person, take notice of your waves and how they impact you. Are you getting knocked down at every turn or are you able to find reprieve in smaller, more gentle reminders of your grief? Even if the ocean feels chaotic and unsettled now, may you find some gentle waves ahead.

We're here to support you - We listen. We support. We care. - Call or message us anytime!

For more information, call us anytime at 833.839.1113 or send us a message at www.viahp.org/contact-form. You may also check our Grief Support Event Calendar for upcoming support group meetings near you at www.viahp.org/grief-support-event-calendar.